my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
