Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
