after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
