this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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