I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
