I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
