Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
