end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
