Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
