Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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