I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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