Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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