for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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