dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
