under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
