Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
