nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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