one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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