Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sober January is a disaster.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
