she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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