Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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