so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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