Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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