i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
