break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
