i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
