i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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