Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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