Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
