I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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