did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is my gift to your gina
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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