she looked like the before picture.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm really busy with my period
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