Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
