she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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