I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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