perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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