Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
