you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
