we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
