Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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