the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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