Just fell off a train. Bad.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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