The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
