He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
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Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
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All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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