If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's never too late to be topless.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
