Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
