i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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