Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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