I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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