Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
