Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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