Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
