his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
