yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
