So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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