now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
