Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
