I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
