I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
