I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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