after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
