I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
