Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
