You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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