im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize