im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
only if we run a train.
done.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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