I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
