shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
