You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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