Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
