I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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