we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
