I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
