Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
