best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
