Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
