My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
