I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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