I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
