If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
