I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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