The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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